Have you ever shared something personal and walked away feeling just… icky? You were vulnerable and, even if it went okay, you felt weird after the interaction? Does that just happen to me? I’ve actually said out loud, “vulnerability feels ICKY!” That’s because I can be a pretty private person and don’t like to share a lot until I really, REALLY trust someone. Do you ever feel that way?
I believe being vulnerable with another person makes you feel like you’ve lost some of your control and puts you at risk of being judged. It gets you out of that safe bubble and exposes your weaknesses. Hence… the icky feeling.
But what are we controlling – or protecting – by not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable? And at what cost?
Maybe we’re controlling how we want other people to see us and protecting our image. Protecting ourselves from experiencing hurt that we felt in the past – a loss, a betrayal, an embarrassment. What is it for you?
Sadly though, the cost of not being vulnerable, my friend, is loss.
When we can’t open up to another person, we lose the ability to grow deeper relationships. We lose the opportunity to have someone else be vulnerable with us and maybe gain a new friend, or get closer with our spouse or children. We lose the opportunity to connect. And girl, we humans are designed to connect.
How can we get more comfortable with vulnerability? Read on, sister!
Practical Application for Today
First, you need to choose the level of Appropriate Vulnerability. I like to compare it to Goldilocks and her porridge:
- If your porridge (or level of vulnerability) is too cold, you might be too guarded and have a hard time connecting with people.
- If it’s too hot, you might consistently overshare, or share too much too soon, and put people off.
- But if it’s juuuust right, that means you share appropriately for the time and place, and the level of acquaintance.
For example, you know that you wouldn’t air your dirty laundry (or someone else’s!) to the clerk at the grocery store, or in front of a group of people you just met. Imagine if you were that clerk or in that group. AWKWARD! Did you feel that ickiness just thinking about it? That’s an internal nudging that can also let you know when it’s okay to share.
So how DO you know when it’s okay to share?
Well, it might take some forethought and practice. Reflection and journaling are excellent tools.
- Think about a time when someone shared too much too soon based on the above criteria, or when you shared too much too soon. What happened? How did you feel about it?
- Also consider when you or someone else was too guarded and you just couldn’t connect. Pondering these interactions, and especially writing about them, will get you on your way to knowing when it’s okay to be more open with people.
If you’re scratching your head and asking, “ok, so what else?”, I know that’s not a neat and tidy list of what to do. But being vulnerable is very personal.
You, friend, are an intelligent woman, and common sense will guide you. You will soon be on your way to being more comfortable with vulnerability and making some sweet connections. And isn’t that what we’re all out here on the big wide web trying to do?
How important is vulnerability to me as a Christian, you ask? Very important, actually…
Biblical Application
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
This verse so fully describes the importance of connecting, and as we’ve learned today, in order for deeper connection to happen, we need some level of vulnerability.
Wishing you Peace,
Amy
