Supporting Your Spouse Through A Job Loss

Friend, if you and I were out to coffee right now and you told me that your husband had just lost his job, I might give you one of those canned responses like “hang in there” and remind you that “this too shall pass.”  But I know that’s not what you want to hear right now.  You want to hear that this was all a big misunderstanding. You want to hear that your husband still has a job.  Or that he’s going to get one right away and it will be even better than the one he had before.  You want to hear so many things that I can’t tell you because this is a chapter in your life story and neither one of us knows the future. But what I can do is to tell you part of my story and pray that it will give you some hope for your own.

The Story

In 2010, we received a major shock when my husband was laid off from a company he had been with for 13 years.  The economy had just been through a recession, but we figured that his job in the corporate office of a major discount retailer was safe.  We were wrong, and his position was eliminated along with many others.

I’m sure we were feeling something like you’re feeling right now – unbelief, worry, sadness, anger.  In the beginning, we were hopeful that he would find something quickly because he had tons of experience.  Interviews were coming, and in some great places that we thought we’d love to live.  Hello sunny California!  But every time we got excited and thought “this is the one!” it wouldn’t work out for some reason. Our hope was starting to wane.   

Thankfully, my husband had received some severance pay, but we were going through it quickly. We had a mortgage, car payments, a daughter in college, and had started the adoption process for another addition to our family just a few weeks before.  We were feeling more than a little desperate for something to work out soon.   

But in the midst of our desperation, I felt the Holy Spirit reminding me to pray in a way that I had learned earlier in my walk with Christ. I was once again being led to put aside my will for our situation and pray for God’s will to be done. So, he continued applying and I started praying harder than ever.

Of course we felt a little disappointed each time a promising job didn’t work out. But we were armed with the knowledge that without a doubt God had a plan for us and would answer when the situation was right. And answer He did, just in the nick of time. 

The Outcome

Remember when I said we were quickly going through the severance pay?  At exactly the time it was about to run out, he received an offer for a new job. What our Father gave us has turned out to be so much better than what we had wanted for ourselves. And I’m happy to say that my husband now has a job that he enjoys so much more than the one he had before, in a great city just a few hours away from our home town, and we have friends who’ve become like family.  What an amazing way for God to show us He is faithful to hear our prayers, and will answer in His perfect time!

Biblical Application

1 John 5:14-15 tell us, “..this is the confidence that we have toward Him, that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the request that we have asked of Him.”  Sweet friend, I encourage you to pray for His will in your life right now.  Yes, that’s scary because it feels like we’re letting go of control.  But I can assure you without a doubt, that the life He has planned for you is so much better than anything you could ever imagine and He always comes through just in time. 

Practical Application for Today

If your husband has recently lost his job, this can be a very confusing time for you both.  His world had just been rocked (not in a good way) and he’s trying to process what happened while figuring out what he’s going to do next to support his family. And maybe you’re trying to figure out how to support him, but hitting a wall with whatever you try.

This cycle of emotions he’s feeling might best be described as grief. So, I’ve provided some information below on the Five Stages of Grief for you as they could be applied to a job loss and have included my thoughts on practical ways that you might support your husband at this time. 

Five Stages of Grief After a Job Loss

Anger – Grieving people might become angry at someone or something associated with the loss. Maybe it was the boss who he thought could have supported him more, or it might be the company in general for not using their finances more wisely.

Bargaining – Oftentimes grieving people will bargain with God, such as “if you help me find a job right away, I promise I will go to church every Sunday, stop getting angry with my family, start reading my bible…” and so on.   

Depression – Depression can include signs such as irritability, difficulty sleeping, being more tired than usual, and a loss of interest in things that he previously enjoyed. Although this can be a completely normal reaction, if he does not feel better soon, please encourage him to reach out to a therapist or doctor for more help. A link to an article from the National Institue of Mental Health (NIMH) is below for more information if you suspect your spouse is depressed.  

Acceptance – This is the stage that might feel like it will never come when you’re going through the tougher days, but be reassured that it will.  It might happen even before he finds another job, or not. It also doesn’t mean that he’s completely over being let go and has wiped his mind of the whole thing. It just means that he’s feeling better and ready to move on.

You might notice I haven’t given you a checklist of steps for you to do. That’s because what you can do is simple:

• Listen to your husband when he’s ready to talk, without pushing him to talk before he’s ready.
• Remind him that you’re in this together and he has your support.
• Assure him that he’s still your hero and you’re still his biggest fan.
• Most importantly, pray for him, and for God’s will to be done for his work and your family.

With Love,
Amy

Unless otherwise noted, content within this blog is based on my own education and life experience and is not intended to replace the advice of a licensed mental health professional.  I will do my best to reference any sites or materials I use for research purposes.  In light of that, for more information on men and depression and further resources, please see the article at https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/men-and-depression/index.shtml. More information on the Five Stages of Grief can be found at https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/.