Friend, I am the type of person who carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. And I’m going to be very transparent and say that the last several weeks have been brutal for me. I can be what you might call an “over-empathizer.” Meaning, I feel the feelings of others very deeply. And what I want above anything else is for everyone in my circle to be happy. Or at least un-offended.
And that can be exhausting.
You see, I grew up with traditional Southern values where you do your best to never hurt anyone’s feelings. Even if it means you have to tiptoe around the truth, or not share your real opinion. It’s not because we Southerners are doormats. It’s because, typically, we love our people A LOT and we value relationships above almost anything. At least in my family that’s true, and I would venture a guess it’s that way in lots of families.
I have a very diverse group of friends and family. We are diverse in many ways: racially, politically, work and career choices, and so on. So during the events of the last several weeks, I’ve avoided speaking (or posting, as the case may be) publicly for fear of offending anyone I care about.
But being “tenderhearted” (as my Southern mama has always called me), I haven’t gone without feeling the feelings. And it’s led me to think about what we can all do to get us closer to what God instructed us through His Word in Titus 3:1-2 “…speak evil of no one, avoid quarreling, and show perfect courtesy toward all people.”
And I believe I’ve found the answer: learn to practice empathy.
You’ve probably heard the saying that you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. Well, you also don’t have to attend every argument your NOT invited to. But a lot of people do. A lot of people are hurting so badly for their own loved ones that they just want to get their thoughts and feelings out and be heard! Even if it’s on a social media platform! So they see something a contact posts and they fire off a comment. Or they share something that expresses just what they’ve been thinking, without thinking about who will be reading it and how it might affect that person.
Do you support the Black Lives Matter movement, or not? Either way they say, you’re wrong! Do you support law enforcement, or not? Either way they say, you’re wrong! How about wearing masks in public to help combat COVID 19? Where do you stand on that? Either way they say, you’re wrong! Words are spoken, posts are written, comments are made. Then feelings are hurt, and relationships are damaged.
So what can we do?
Should we just never express our opinions? No. No I don’t believe that’s the answer. But I do believe that before we speak or hit “post” or “share” we pause for just a minute.
Just step back and think of who might be hearing or reading what we’re about to say. What does that person’s family look like? Where did they come from? Why did they choose the profession they chose, decide to join a movement, or not? What is their health like or their loved ones’ health? In essence, put yourself in their shoes for just a minute.
This is one small, yet mighty impactful, thing we can ALL do. Open our minds and listen with our ears and our hearts and try to feel what the other person is feeling. That’s empathy.
Even when we’re frustrated and don’t know what to do, let’s take that pause and muster as much empathy as we can so we can try to see life from another’s point of view. Whatever that view may be. It just might save a valued relationship and have a positive effect on us too.
Empathy, my friends. I believe empathy is the key. And the greatest example is when Jesus looked at this world full of people who were arguing, fighting, even hating Him, then felt such great empathy for us that He sacrificed Himself on the cross to save us.
Biblical Application
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
Wishing you peace,
Amy
